2014年9月28日日曜日

僕とお金の関係、その3 ・ My Relationship with Money, part 3



同僚か友達はお願いをして、「ああ、助けるけれど、お金が必要だ」と答えたことがある?例えば、自分は車に詳しいので、同僚に「私の車は少し変な音 を出している。直してくれないか?」と聞かれたことがある?自分はパソコンに詳しいので、「パソコンは重くなった。直してくれないか?」というようなお願 いをされたことがある?そういう場合、何した?「ああ、直すけど、お金は・・・」と言った?僕はお金を求めたことがない。すぐに「はい」と言って、お金を 考えずに、友達や知り合いを助けた。そうしなかったら、僕はどんな人だったのか?お金をもらわなかったら、助けないなんて、考えたことがない。そうする と、お金は僕と他人の間に壁を建つだろう。僕は人間性を失うだろう。

ということを思ったけど、他の考え方もある。お 金を求めても、同僚か知り合いに「お金がないよ。無料でやってくれよ」と言われたら、どう思う?逆に、その人は自分の人間性を認めてないでしょう?失礼で しょう?確かに、お金は壁だけど、自分の時間や努力を尊敬しない人から守る壁だ。みんなは生きるために、お金が必要でしょう?

ん、まあ、それはそうだけど、最近まで、僕は自分を尊敬しなかったから、他人に活かされやすかった。自分より、他人のほうを評価した。

そ れに、「お金が要らない」と思った。いや、違う。お金がない状態に慣れたので、することをお金がなくてもできることに限っていた。いや、それも違う。でき ることは限られたことではなく、やりたいことを限った。つまり、期待を限った。何か欲しくないようにしたら、その何かを手に入れられなくても、悲しくない でしょう。出かけることではなく、家にいて、ゲームをした。もちろん、やりたいゲームがあったけど、お金がなかったから、買えなかった。だから、無料の ゲームのほうをやった。お金がなかったから、友達や彼女もあまりできなかった。友達と彼女は外で遊びたいだろうと思ったし。欲しいものを手に入れられな かったので、欲しいものって限った。

変でしょう?仕事をして、お金をもらわなくて、自分のやりたいことや欲しいものを限るなんて、すごく変。ある時期に、自分のやりたいことや欲しいものを限る必要だったので、そんなことに慣れて、欲しいものを追いかけるのは下手になった。

僕 と同じ人がいると思う。ビールバーという好きなコメディアンはポッドキャストをする。そのポッドキャストでいろいろことについて話す。アドバイスもする。 ある男の人はビールバーに女性のアドバイスをしてほしかった。彼はバスに乗って、かわいい女性の隣に座って、いい会話ができた。それで、彼女にしたかった けど、電話番号を聞かなかった。「求めて、『あんな男』になりたくなかったし」と言った。


「あんな男」って、すごく曖昧な表現だ。ビールは「どんな男?恋愛ができる男か?セックスができる男か?」って答えた。つまり、質問した男の人はそ の女性に失礼なことをしたりしたくなかった。「かわいいな。彼女の隣に座って、電話番語をもらう」というナンパをしている男の人のように行動したくなかっ た。

その男の人の質問を答えたに加えて、ビールは興味深いことを言った。

「『あ の男』になれ!」って。「欲しいものを求める男になれ。丁寧に振る舞うけど、あんな男になれ・・・そのくそ思いを頭からぶっ飛ばせ。丁寧に振る舞いすぎ て、波風を立てることを恐れすぎるから、欲しいものを手に入れないことがあるぞ。他人はあんたの夢が叶うかどうか、興味がない。いいか?」と言った。

その言葉は僕の感情にうまく訴えた。僕にとって、求めるのが難しい。みんなと仲良くなりたくて、他人に負担になりたくない子供のようだ。人間として自分のことを評価していないわけ。

だ から、前にボランティアしていた時、「お金をもらえるわけないけど、経験を積める」と思って、波風が立てなくて何も求めないでボランティアした。経験だけ で十分だと思った。しかし、そんな考え方はよくないな。経験で請求書を支払えない。経験で食べ物を買えない。経験だけで十分なんて、全然違う。

両 親と一緒に住んだら、そんなことを考えたことがあるけど、日本に来て、毎日現金で食べ物を買ったり、請求書を支払ったりしたまで、お金の存在と大切さを感 じなかった。先生にバイトの機会が与えられたまで、僕のお金に関しての歴史をよく考えたことがなかった。友達と話したまで、交渉する自信がなかった。「あ んな男になれ」と聞いたまで、「欲しいものを求める」男になることを考えたことがなかった。

自立したかったら、お金が必要。別にお金自体に興味がないけど、お金だけで手に入れる欲しいものがある。欲しいものを手に入れるために、これから、自分の欲しいものを求める人になる。

ところで、ちょっと自信がついて、先生にお金について聞いてみた。2倍の給料を求めた。笑 先生は「それは難しいです」と言ったけど、聞くだけでよかったと思う。お金とまだぎすぎすした関係があるけど、これから、仲良くになると思う。笑

***

Have you ever been asked a favor by a friend or co-worker, and responded by telling them you would help them, but that it would cost them some money? For example, maybe since you're handy with cars, you've been asked to help them fix their car. Or maybe since you're good with computers, you've been asked to help with someone's computer. In that case, what did you do?  Did you say you'd help if they paid you? I've never asked for money. I always just say, "Sure!" right away without even thinking about money and helped friends or acquaintances. If I didn't do that, what kind of person would I be? I've never considered not helping someone if I'm wasn't getting paid. If I did that, money would put up a wall between me and others. I'd lose my humanity.

Or so I had thought, but there is another way of thinking about it. If you asked for money, but your coworker or acquaintance said, "I don't have any money. Can't you just do it for free?", what would you think? Conversely, you'd think that that person wasn't acknowledging your humanity, right? It's rude. For sure, money is a wall, but it's a wall that protects you from people from people that don't respect your time or effort. Everybody needs money to live.

Well, that's true, but until recently, I didn't really respect myself, so it was easy for others to take advantage of me. I felt other people were more important than me.

On top of that, I thought that I didn't really need money. Well, not quite. I was used to not having any money, so I limited the things I did to those things that I could do without money. Actually, that's not true either. It wasn't that I was limited, but rather I limited what I wanted to do. In other words, I limited my expectations. If you avoid wanting something, then when you can't have it, you won't be sad, right? Rather than going out, I stayed at home and played games. Of course, there were games I wanted to play, but since I didn't have any money, I couldn't buy them. That's why I played free games. I didn't have any money, so I couldn't really make any friends or have a girlfriend. I thought that they'd want to go have fun out somewhere. Since I couldn't have what I wanted, I simply limited what I wanted.

That's weird, right? Limiting the things that I want and the things I want to do, rather than working and making money is really weird. During a certain period of time, I had to limit the things I wanted to get or do, so I got used to and actually became rather bad at chasing after the things that I want.

I think there are other people like me. A comedian I like named Bill Burr has a podcast. On that podcast he talks about various stuff. He also gives advice. One guy asked Bill Burr for some girl advice. He got on a bus, sat down next to a pretty lady, and had a nice chat with her. He thought that he'd like to go out with her, but he didn't ask her for her phone number. He said he didn't want to ask for it and be "that guy".

"That guy" is a very vague expression. Bill responds by saying, "What guy? The guy that falls in love? The guy that gets laid?" In other words, the guy that asked the question didn't want to be rude to the lady. He didn't want to be the guy that targets a pretty lady and decides to sit next to her to get her number.

In addition to answering the guy's question, Bill said something interesting.

"Be 'that guy'!"

"Be the guy that asks for what he wants. Be respectful of other people, but you gotta be the guy.... You gotta beat that fucking thought outta your head. You can be so respectful and so like, not wanting to rock the boat that you never even fuckin', you know, get what you want in life. Because life doesn't give a shit whether your dreams come true or not. Okay?"

What he said really struck a cord with me. For me, asking for what I want is hard. I'm like a kid that wants everybody to like him and doesn't want to be a burden on anybody. I don't value myself as a person.

So, when I was doing the volunteer work before, I thought that there was no way I'd be able to get any money, but I'd be able to gain some experience, so without rocking the boat or asking for any money, I just did the volunteer work. I thought that just getting experience was good enough. But, that isn't a good way of thinking. You can't pay bills with experience. You can't buy food with experience. It's completely wrong to think that experience is enough.

While living with my parents, I'd thought of stuff like that before, but until I came to Japan and started buying food and paying bills with cash, I hadn't really felt to existence and importance of money. Until my teacher gave me an opportunity to do a part-time job, I hadn't thought much about my history with money. Until talking to my friend, I didn't have the confidence to negotiate my salary. Until I heard Bill Burr say, "Be that guy!", I hadn't ever thought about becoming a guy that asks for what he wants.

If I want to become independent, I need money. I'm not really interested in money itself, but there are things that I want that I can only get with money. In order to get those things, I'm going to become a person that asks for what they want.

By the way, I got confident in myself and asked my teacher about the money. I requested double the money. lol The teacher said, "That would be difficult...", but it's good that I at least asked, I think. I still have a bit of an awkward relationship with money, but in time, I'm sure we'll become good friends. (^_^)
コメントを投稿