2013年8月9日金曜日

僕は日本人の女性の周りを怪しく行動するって?・ Do I act creepy around Japanese women?

最近、僕について変な噂を知った。前の日本語のクラスのクラスメートは「マイカは日本人の女性の周りを怪しく行動する」という噂を教えてくれた。教えてくれた人はその噂を信じたけど、僕と話した後、「マイカは成長したから、今見直した」ということを言ってくれた。見直してくれて嬉しいけど、なぜその噂があったのだろうかとよく考えた。最初に理由を思い浮かべなかったけど、僕は大学に行き始めた1年間を考えたら、「やっぱり怪しく見えたな」と思っちゃった。

恥ずかしいけど、面白い話かもしれないから、みんなに教えてあげる (;^_^) 長くなるけど・・・

最初の取った授業は異文化コミュニケーションだった。その授業で研究をして、日本人と話し合って質問しなければならなかった。留学生の日本人の女性しかいなかったので、日本人の女性と話すのはしょうがなかった。(まあ、後悔しなかったけどね)あるとき、スタバで彼女に会って話した。会話は終わったとき、彼女の日本人の友達(友達は沖縄の女性だった)が来て、一緒にある特別な陶芸の店に行って、カップや皿にに柄を入れに行こうと言った。2人はその店に行く予定があった。

その時の僕はまだまだ日本語を話す自信があまりなかった上、聞いて理解する能力はすごく低かったから、「いいチャンスだ!」と思って、「僕も一緒に行ってもいいですか?」と聞いた。僕は一緒に行って、2人の日本語の会話を聞いて理解してみた。結局、少ししか分からなかった。沖縄の女性は「私」とかではなくて、自分の名前を使ったことだけ覚えている。僕の耳に変に聞こえたから。(彼女の名前を思い出せないけど・・・)でも、本当の日本語の会話を聞こえていたので、とても嬉しかった。邪魔していたことを全然考えなかった (;^_^)

それはちょっと怪しかったね。でも、もっと怪しいことをしたよ。沖縄の女性は友達のアパートに引越しするよと行った時、僕は「僕は手伝ってあげますよ。いつ引越しますか?」と言った。彼女は僕のメッセージに全然返事しなかった。その時、知り合って、まだ2,3週間しか経っていなかったからかな・・・笑

僕の行動は怪しく見えるけど、ちょっと説明させてください。その時、日本人の家に入るのは親友や家族だけがすることだと知らなかった。その上、僕はユダヤ教で育ったので、僕の「文化」は違った。フロリダ州のアパートに引っ越していた時、父と一緒に洗濯機を移動させるのはとても難しかった。移動していた時、散歩していたユダヤ教の人は「手伝ってもいいですか?」と聞いて、僕達は嬉しくて「いいですよ!」と答えた。僕はそういう経験があって、そういう文化で育ていたので、誰かが引っ越していたら、手伝うのは当然のことだと思った。

話はまだ終わっていない。もっと怪しいことをしてしまった。

前の話は僕の始めての学期に起こった。次の学期、日本語教師になる3人の女性は僕の大学に来た。日本語の先生は「3人は図書館で待っています。マイカさんは話に行ってもいいですよ」ということを言ってくれた。もちろん、僕は話しに行ったけど、なんだか緊張した。3人の待っていた部屋を見つけた時、ちょっと精神的に準備しなくてはいけなかった。前の二人の日本人は英語を勉強していたので、英語でも話せたけど、3人の女性はそうじゃなかったので、僕は日本語だけで話すべきだと思った。まだ自信がなかったけど、「これで上達できるから、しないといけないんだ!」って思って話しに入った。

次の2週間、3人は日本語の授業でいろいろな教え方をやってみてから、食堂に昼ごはんを食べて、話しに行った。もちろん、僕も行ったね。5人くらいのアメリカ人も行った。でも、日本語を勉強していない2人の男の人も来た。英語だけで話していた。その上、1人は日本人のハーフだった。ペラペラに日本語を話せたけど、英語しか話さなかった。彼は特にむかついた。僕は同時に自分の気持を認めたくなかったけど、彼に羨ましかった。彼は日本語を話せたけど、話さなかった。僕は日本語を話したかったけど、話せなかったから。でも、彼と彼の友達は授業に勝手に参加して、僕の練習の相手の気を散らしたから、僕はムカツクのは驚くことではないでしょう。先生に文句を言ったとき、先生は「3人は英語を練習したいですよ。彼は私のクラスにいなかったら、彼に何も言えません」と答えた。けど、その時から、彼はクラスに来なかった。(それとも、一番後ろに座ったかな?よく覚えていない)

僕は独占欲に行動していたに見えたかな?可能性があるな。その話だけだったら、そんなに怪しくないけど、前の話と一緒にしたら、僕は「怪しい性格」が明るくなっているみたいだろう。

しかし、一番怪しい話はまだだよ。僕にとってもこの最後の話を考えたら、怪しく見えるのは驚くことではないと思う。あー、恥ずかしい・・・

2年前、兵庫の留学生たちは僕の大学に来た。僕の家族は一人の留学生を受け入れたから、すごくワクワクした。僕は日本に行った時、彼の家族は僕を受け入れてくれたから、みんな最高~だと思う。(特にお母さんは面白い)

とにかく、その年の留学生たちは面白かった。3人と一緒に動物園に連れてきたりしたね。で、ある日、みんなは外で遊んで、最後に間欠泉のように水が地から出る公園で遊んだ。(夏だったから暑かったね)


(水の出ているところを見える?)

僕は水で遊ぶ気がしなかったから、みんなのカバンを見守ってみんなを見た。1人の女性は僕のそばに座って、ちょっと喋ったりした。その時、僕は「彼女は綺麗だ!」と思った。好きになったね。でも、彼女に何も言わなかった。「恋愛は駄目だ」ということを言われたね、先生に。だから、彼女と他の留学生と普通に遊んだ。

でもね、留学生たちは帰国した日、僕は空港で見送れた。泣いた女性は多かったね。笑 僕はみんなにさようならといったけど、彼らはアメリカのTSAの長蛇の列に待った。(-_-) 好きな女性を連れて行って、ある時、彼女は急に手を出した。その瞬間に、僕の心の中に次の会話があった:

僕:「な、何何?なにこれ?どうしたらいいだろう?」
心:「なんでもいいから早くやれ!」
僕:「でも・・・」
心:「早く!」

っていうことで、僕は手を取って、キスしてしまった。


心:「何しているのかよ!何を考えているんだよ!バカバカバカバカバカ馬鹿バカバカバカバカバカバカバカアホバカバカバカバカバカバカ!」
僕:「もう、なんでもいいつてんだろうが!」
心:「彼女の手をキスしてもいいわけないだろうが!バカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカアホバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカバカ!誰がそんなことをするかよ!」

失敗したことがすぐに分かった。顔は熱くなった。(多分真っ赤にもなった)彼女の反応は「びっくりしたけど、丁寧に行動しよう」という感じだった。僕の気持ち → orz

前の怪しいしたことは日本語を勉強するためだったけど、その最後のことはやっぱり怪しいでしょう。僕にも怪しい (;_;`) でも、少し説明させてください。

僕はフロリダ州に住んでいた時、ユダヤ教だったね。僕の集団はいろいろな習慣があった。変に見えるけど、挨拶として女性の手をキスする習慣があったよ。別に意味がなかったけど、なんか「優雅」の挨拶だったんでしょう。僕は毎週、そういう挨拶したんだ。女性の手が出されたら、キスするのは自然になった。僕の集団の以外、そういう挨拶は結構珍しいけど・・・

だから、その習慣に、僕の本能は行動して、彼女の手をキスしてしまった。

僕は日本人の女性の周りを怪しく行動する噂はそんなに変じゃないな orz みんなはどう思う?

***

Recently, I found out there was a strange rumor going around about me. A classmate of mine from my previous Japanese class told me that I was known for acting creepy around Japanese girls. The person who told me said that he had believed the rumor, but after talking with me he felt that I had matured and he felt differently about me now. I glad that he feels that way, but I wondered why there was such a rumor about me in the first place. At first, I couldn't come up with any reason for the rumor, but then when I thought about the first year I was in college, I couldn't help but think, "Yep, I definitely looked creepy."

It's a wee bit embarrassing, but it's a funny story, so I guess I'll write about it. This is gonna be a long one...

The first class that I took in college was an intercultural communications class. For that class I needed to do some research and ask a Japanese person questions about Japanese culture. There were only Japanese girls at my college at the time, so I had to talk to one of them (not that I was disappointed about that or anything). One time, I met her in a Starbucks to talk. After our conversation was over, one of her friends came (another Japanese girl) so that they could go together to a special shop where they could paint pottery. They had planned to do so ahead of time.

At the time, I had almost no confidence in my Japanese speaking abilities, and on top of that, my listening abilities were pretty bad too, so I thought, "This is perfect!" and asked them if I could tag along with them. They agreed, and I went with them and tried to understand them as they had a conversation in Japanese. In the end, I could only understand bits and pieces. The only thing I remember is that the girl from Okinawa didn't use "私", but instead used her name to refer to herself (I can't remember her name, though...). But, I was glad to be able to listen to a real Japanese conversation. I didn't even consider the fact that I was intruding on them.

That's a little suspicious, wouldn't you say? But wait, there's more. One time, when the girl from Okinawa told me that she was going to move in to her friend's apartment, I offered to help her out and asked her when she was going to move. She never replied to my message. At the time, we had only known each other about two or three weeks, haha!

My actions might have looked a bit suspicious, but let me explain. At the time, I didn't know that going into a Japanese person's house was a big deal. Not only that, but I was raised Jewish, so my culture was a bit different, too. When I was moving into an apartment in Florida, my dad and I had trouble moving our laundry machine into the apartment. While we were moving it, a Jew that was taking a walk past our place asked if he could help, and we gladly accepted his help! I've had experiences like that, and was raised in that kind of culture, so when someone is moving, it's natural for me to want to help.

But wait, there's more.

The previous incidents happened during my first quarter in college. During the next quarter, three girls learning to become Japanese teachers came to my college. My teacher told me, "The girls are going to be in the library. You can go talk to them if you want." Of course, I went, but I was nervous. When I spotted them waiting in one of the rooms in the library, and I had to mentally prepare myself. The other Japanese girls were learning English at my school, so I could speak English with them if I needed to, but the other girls weren't studying English, so I thought I would have to use Japanese all the time. I still wasn't very confident in myself, but I said to myself, "I can get better if I do this, so I need to do it!" Then, I went inside and talked with them.

For the next two weeks, the three girls would practice teaching techniques in my class, and then they and some students would go to the cafeteria for lunch and chat. Of course, I went, and about five other American students went, too. However, there were a couple of guys that weren't studying Japanese that came and talked with the girls, too. One of them was part Japanese. He could speak Japanese perfectly, but he only spoke English. He really pissed me off. At the time, I didn't want to admit it, but I was jealous of him. He could speak Japanese, but didn't and I wanted to speak Japanese, but couldn't. But, he and his friend came and joined my Japanese class and distracted my language partner, so it's not surprising that I was pissed off. When I went to complain to my teacher, she said that the girls wanted to practice English too, and that she couldn't tell them what to do outside of the classroom. However, after that, he didn't come back to class. (Or maybe he just sat in the back? I can't remember.)

Does it seem like I was acting a bit possessive? I suppose it's possible it looks that way. If that had been the only thing that had happened, that rumor about me probably wouldn't have started, but looking at it along with the other incidents, my creepiness does seem to be clear.

However, the worst is yet to come. After thinking about this last story, it's not surprising that I seem creepy, even to myself. Oh god...

Two years ago, students from Hyogo came to my school. My family was hosting one of them, so I was really excited. When I went to Japan, I got to say with his family, so I think they're awesome. (Especially his mom.)

Anyway, the students that year were great. I took three of them to the zoo. And, one day, everybody had fun outside, and near the end of the day we went to a park where water shot out of the ground like a geyser. (It's was summer, so it was pretty hot that day.)

I didn't feel like playing in the water, so I stayed behind to guard everybody's stuff and watched them have fun. One of the girls stayed behind with me and chatted with me. Man, I liked her. She was great. But, I didn't say anything to her. The teacher said that no dating was allowed. So, I just had fun with her and everybody else as usual.

However, on the day they were leaving, I went to see them off at the airport. There were lots of girls crying that day. (^_^) I said good-bye to everybody, but then they had to wait in the line for security. I followed the girl I liked for a while, and at one point she turned to me and put out her hand. At that moment, I had the following conversation in my head:

Me: "Uh, what's going on?  What's happening? What am I suppose to do?"
Head: "Anything! Just do something!"
Me: "But..."
Head: "But nothing, just do something!"

And with that, I took her hand, and kissed it.

Head: "WHATTHEHELLAREYOUTDOING! What the hell were you thinking! STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDIDIOTSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID!"
Me: "Come on, you said I could do anything!"
Head: "ON WHAT PLANET DOES THAT MEAN IT'S OKAY TO KISS HER HAND?! OHMYGODYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"

I immediately regretted my decision. My face got hot. (And probably turned red as a tomato.) He reaction was something like, "Whatthe?! Just smile, act casual, it'll be okay." I was feeling about as much like an idiot as is possible in that situation.

I did the previous "creepy" stuff before because I wanted to study Japanese, but that last thing is just plain creepy, even to me. But, let me just explain.

When I was living in Florida, I was Jewish. My group had a bunch of different customs. One of them might seem strange, but the guys would kiss the girls' hands as a greeting. It didn't really have any meaning. It was just a kind of "elegant" greeting. I did that every week. Ladies would put out their hands and I'd kiss them. It just became natural. Outside my group, that kind of greeting is extremely rare, however...

So, when she put out her hand, I acted on instinct and kissed it.

It's no wonder people thought I was creepy (;_;`) What do you think?
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